by Dannielle Cresp on May 7, 2013
I have been in a bad place lately, and I just couldn’t bring myself to blog any of it. It all sounded like ‘wah, wah, wah, miserable Dannielle is miserable again’ and I just didn’t want to share the wah fest. My anxiety has been high and I’ve struggled to not let it get on top of me.
Coming home has been much harder than I anticipated. In fact, I don’t really know what I was anticipating but feeling like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole wasn’t it. Then I saw this quote (which I remade here) on Pinterest, that I’ve seen so many times before, but this time I really read it:
And I sat there and thought to myself: YES, maybe I will. So I had a bit of a think about the things I always wanted to do and each time I did, it came back to two related things: interior design and styling. I’ve always been fascinated by interior design, in fact it was what I wanted to be when I grew up (when I was 13 and everyone else wanted to be a marine biologist). But I’ve always been too scared to try.
So yesterday, I put my brave face on and signed up to a proper short course on Interior Design and I start next week! It’s been a while since I felt so excited about something, but in sharing it with people yesterday the response was overwhelmingly positive and it made me just that little bit less nervous and just a little bit more like I’m finding my feet. I’m looking for something that I will be happy working crazy hours at and will be something that can grow with me.
Maybe this is just what I’m looking for, and maybe it isn’t. But I’ll never know until I try and I’m taking the happy ‘this feels right’ feeling and running with it. 27 was always going to be a big year of change for me and one big adventure. So far it’s got lots of twists and turns that I didn’t expect, but change is good for the soul.
I have some exciting ideas that I’m going to work on, and for now I’m feeling great. I’ll take great over miserable any day. Can’t wait to tell you all about this course and how it goes.
xx
Categories: The 27 Adventure | Tagged doing, dreams, future, goals, the 27 adventure |
by Dannielle Cresp on April 25, 2013
I’ve been home nearly 3 weeks now, and I don’t really know what to tell you. The days are fine, most of them. They go by quickly. I seem to fill them with things, then it’s time to cook dinner and the sun sets again.
And then the ‘what on earth are you going to do with your life’ sense of impending doom comes back. All that energy and excitement that I felt coming home, that feeling that everything was going to be ok, it dissipated that Wednesday after I came home. Vanished. I got sick and the doubts crept in and set up camp in my head and they come back each evening.
For the first time in my life I’m looking at a future beyond 30. It’s not that I didn’t think I’d make it that far, but 27 always felt like such a huge obstacle to overcome that I never really thought ‘long term’. It probably seems ridiculous for anyone who has been there, done that. But it’s true. So now I’m back home and trying to work out which direction to take to make the next 10 years happy ones (for as much as I can be in control of that). I came home to create a happier, healthier future. That bit I know.
I’m back to running, slowly but surely I will pound that pavement until I feel like I can call myself a runner. I will use that time each morning to get out of my own head and just focus on running up that hill that looks like it’s flat until you’re running up it. I will make goals that are just for me and smile when I reach them and remind myself that there’s always tomorrow when I don’t quite make it.
As for work, well I’m really not sure. I don’t want to be a web designer long term. I got burnt out so badly by the end of last year that I couldn’t stand to look at code anymore, and with the time away from the computer, travelling and seeing people I realised just how bad it is for an introvert to work from home on her own ALL THE TIME. I couldn’t believe how much I loved the interaction with other people at Alt. How much people understood my story more when I told it in person. How good it felt to laugh with people and not just into my computer screen.
I know I need to find something that I love to do, that I’m good at, that gets me out of the house. I still want to run my own business, but I want it to be something that I want to do long term, not just something that will bring in the cash short term. It will be creative, because this is at my core. 20something years of drawing, writing and dreaming tell me that this is key. Whilst I love travel – I love that the memories are all mine. I thought about trying my hand at travel writing, but this trip made me realise it’s the joy I get out of travel that I cherish not the writing, and I worry that making it a job would take that away from me. A very selfish thing, I know.
I’m trying to be zen about all this not knowing and let it come to me organically, in the way it always does when things are meant to be, but the tutting and the (well meaning) asking what I’m doing now, are making me doubt myself. Thankfully I came home with a cash buffer, and I have a bit more time time to get my shit together. Sometimes I feel like I should just get in the car and drive until it comes to me, but then I remember that I’m not on my trip anymore and I don’t have a car. So I run when I can, and remind myself that I’m lucky that I had a home to come back to and time up my sleeve and when all else fails, I turn the music up as loud as I can and I sing my lungs out where no one can hear me missing the notes and sounding ridiculous.
It will all work out eventually, I just know it. Hopefully eventually comes soon. x
Categories: What's Happening | Tagged future, home, lost, re-adjusting, truth |
by Dannielle Cresp on April 16, 2013
I’m home now, and trying to settle back in – but more on that and my trip home another day. Today I want to finally share my trip to Philly. x
I left Charlottesville early-ish on a Saturday and took the train the 5 and a bit hour trip to Philadelphia, PA. The train trip went by faster than I expected once I got over the fact that the free wifi promised wasn’t working. (Yes, I ranted to myself for about 30 minutes and then decided to work on something that didn’t require internet). It was a little chilly when I got into 30th Street Station, but the lovely Zoe and her boys came to pick me up and we went to get dinner.
Sunday morning I caught the train into the city from Zoe’s and decided that I would just wander the streets and see what took my fancy. Because Philly was stop 8 of 9 US cities, I didn’t really research the things to do, though I knew that there were things to see and do. My first stop was the Anthropologie flagship store, 4 floors of Anthro amazing-ness! With it so chilly out it was great (and necessary) to stop in little shops all along Walnut Street as I walked from the Anthropologie store across to Independence Mall to see Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell.
The queues were crazy long as it was a long weekend so I decided that I wanted to see the Liberty Bell more than inside Independence Hall (where the Declaration of Independence was signed). It was freezing in the queue for the Liberty Bell, but the exhibit information was really interesting and it was great to see the bell!
I wandered the streets and stopped in some lovely craft shops and just really took in the city (whilst muttering about the cold – it got down to -1C in my defence). I loved that the area was clearly signposted for visitors to the city and it was quite easy to get around. I needed to time my trip back as the trains were running a Sunday timetable, but I got back in time for some snow flurries.
On Monday I had arranged to meet up with Megan Auman at her trade show booth at Buyer’s Market of America. I’ve known Megan online since I started my business online in 2009 and it was great to finally catch up in person. The trade show was in the Convention Center which is right across from Reading Terminal Market (a must see food market). I popped out of the show at lunch time and got myself the two things you must get in Philly: a Philly Cheese Steak and a Whoopie Pie (from FlyingMonkey no less)! They were both delicious!
The market was bustling with people and just a crazy busy atmosphere. I can see how people would get lost in there without a good sense of direction. It was fun to see all the different businesses and the range of food available.
Getting to sit in on the trade show was great! It was so interesting to see how different it is to a retail market and to see all the stalls looking their best. It was fun to have a catch up with Megan and to see her gorgeous jewellery in person!
My stop in Philly was so short, that it was the first place I left wishing that I’d had more time to spend exploring. It’s definitely a place that I’d love to visit again to see all the treasures that I missed. Everyone seemed so welcoming and friendly and if you’re ever looking for postcards, the 30th St station has them in the news agent and they have a post office inside the station too!
Thanks so much to Zoe for having me and to Megan for catching up. I loved Philly and will be back some day.
Categories: The 27 Adventure | Tagged PA, Philadelphia, Philly, the 27 adventure, travel, usa |
